When I sat down to write, I had completely different intentions, I put pen to paper and words just flowed out of my hands and I wrote 7 pages; too much for one blog post, so I will split into a few parts because firstly, I need time to type it all up and secondly, who wants to read so much in one sitting; NOT ME! It has been a while since I have really sat down and written from my heart; being guided and letting the words flow. It was most awesome to just have this in me today.
I attended my first Reiki class yesterday. It was the introductory class; very much a meet and greet – introduce yourself class. I learnt so much yesterday, especially about myself and what my beat is; why I can get out of sorts sometimes and really reflected a lot as I listened to the other people open up to why they were there. We are all so different, yet so similar. We are all feeling like we need more; like something is missing. We have all suffered, or are suffering from anxiety and a feeling that all is possibly not well in our worlds and we are looking for some enlightenment of sorts.
My reasons for going are that I feel that our thoughts are what make us, how we perceive the world is our reality. What we think affects our being to the very core and often the manifestation’s of our thoughts and feelings are physical. Disease, or Dis-Ease as many would have read about, develops. Over the years I am acutely aware of my cycle, but it seems what worked the last time, isn’t this time and I need to be more conscious and find the patterns. I have been up and down, I have hit what I believe is rock bottom and I have felt elation far beyond my wildest imagination. But lately I have been cruising in auto-pilot, floating in limbo with a sense of being neither here nor there. This is evident in how seldom I write and only maintain my “Happy Monday” Posts because it brings sanity to an otherwise crazy head. I have been struggling to tap into my creative essence and feeling uninspired gets me down sometimes. I feel disconnected from myself, from the Universe and often from those around me; it is like I have been hibernating in darkness and I am looking for the light.
It was said yesterday that something like anxiety is your Spiritual self knocking on the door as a wake up call because you are out of balance. Well, something like that; I struggle to listen intently for so long without switching off from time to time, so I could be mistaken, but it sounds about right. Be that as it may, the real point I am trying to make here that you need balance, you need to get in tune with your body, your mind, your spirit and get in tune with your emotions. Ofcourse this seems pretty obvious, I have conversations with Jan often about his theory on this and agree 100%, but yesterday it all made sense to me personally because it is not mental health as it is with Jan’s theory, but this is Mental stimulation and learning.
I am moving onto Week 4 of the exercises in the book; “May Cause Miracles” by Gabrielle Bernstein. When I read “Spirit Junkie” I was hooked. It is all about tapping in and letting love flow. Letting your inner guide clear out the rubbish perceptions that the ego has created. This has been a catalyst for the most recent shifts in perception and why I think now is the right time for the Reiki training; I actually signed up last year November already and I have been waiting patiently for the course to start. In the work in the book I am being forced to take a good look at myself, my own story and how my ego has created fear in my life. You think you have worked through so much, but you find common threads in each reflection exercise. I have body issues; BIG TIME Body issues. It is a fear that I write about in every journal entry. Moving on to week 4, it delves into relationships and I already know which relationship is going to be a prevalent one; the relationship with the most judgement and fear, I wrote about it in the first few journal entries when listing my fears. There have been ups and downs as I have to face my inner demons, come clean with myself and release it. There have been days where it gets quite bad and I have to bash the fear with a baton, but it is coming up to be dealt with and tossed out. It is all good and wonderful and peachy to have a “Be Awesome” Post, but i have to walk my talk. Writing about being brave and telling yourself you love yourself is so easy, living it is another story. I am on a path to being my authentic self and this is part of the journey.
So here is the background to why I am where I am and the start to finding balance and I will write about the 4 pillars; I am calling them pillars because if one starts to crack, things start to fall down and go a little pear shaped. Yesterday they were called “aspects”. But I prefer pillars and adding my 5c worth on the whole lot.
In part 2, I will waffle on about the Physical Pillar and how important making health and vitality a focus – ESPECIALLY for me. Unhealthy body image can lead to some destructive behaviors.
In Part 3; Emotions and why we need to keep those babies in check. What you resist will persist, so get that shit in the bag and out to the dump.
Part 4 is Learning and exercising mentally and why I think it is important to not be a vegetable. Remember, just my opinion.
And lastly, Part 5 is the Spiritual Pillar. I wrote why I think meditation is awesome and I still think it is and go on a bit more about why I think so.
I have all this written down, so in bits and bobs, I will get all this done.
May the light of love surround you.