I have so many idea’s for posts in my head, I should just write them down. I start with a draft and then I get side tracked and have trouble getting back into it, but I think this topic is a big feature for me. Perhaps this is because I don’t know where the rule book is that says I should be living my life a certain way. There is so much pressure of people to take a proverbial path of whatever is deemed to be normal, when people choose not to, there are faces with expressions of pure confusion. Ofcourse there are certain norms that we abide by, there are laws in place that say we do not kill people, steel, etc. But I am talking more about the things that we do that should really be of no consequence to others. Like a choice to not marry and the likes.
There are expectations that are set out somewhere. If you have dated for a certain period of time, you should be considering marriage. But lets also consider age here, you don’t want to be seen as “on the shelf” or “past your sell by date”. And when you have been married for some time, you should be considering children. And if you had the children first, best you get those nuptials in order ASAP. Then you have the one child, you simply must start to breed furiously. This must all take place before your biological clock starts to tick over. Religion is important. You have to have religious morals in your child rearing schedule, how else will you be able to raise a well adjusted and disciplined child. You should own a house by the time you are 30, you must want to advance your career and be the success that a materialistic society expects you to be. blahdy-blahdy-blah!
And this is where I stop because I could harp on about societies expectations and norms for hours. But the point I am trying to make here is that there are many who don’t want to be married, or have children. Or own a house and have a corporate career. And then there is a questioning of self that goes on. “Am I normal?”, “What is wrong with me, why don’t I want all that?”, “Why is it so wrong to want to rather be a rolling stone than a stable rock?”. And there is nothing wrong with being who you are and what you want to be. Absolutely nothing. You should rather be worrying about making your dreams come true than what everyone else thinks of those dreams. We are all on our own paths, our own journey’s of self and I say fuck society and those ‘rules’! (Yes, I do swear sometimes).
So here is where I type some drivel about myself! …
My Name is Candice. I am almost 32 years old. I am not married. I am a mother and I live with George. We raise Kelso together in a loving home with no binding contract. I don’t think I want to get married. I don’t see the point, nor the importance. There was a time that I wanted to, but when asking myself why, there is no logical answer to the question. I don’t want more children. I am not religious. I like to help people find their inner awesome. I like to see people succeed and I love getting hugs from Kelso’s class mates. I love playing playstation games, writing and taking long walks on the beach. My heart adores my animals and I find any form of abuse and cruelty sickening. I am pro gay marriage. I am pro choice and I love chocolate. I sometimes think we originated on another planet. We have done so much to wreck this one, it wouldn’t surprise me if we have managed this kind of destruction before. Im on the fence with that though. *laugh*
Upbringing was standard. I was always different though. I was a tom-boy. I got my first boyfriend when I was 15. My boyfriend and I broke up when I was 19. I wanted to “play the field” and explore the fruits of life. In other words I wanted to party like it was my birthday.. ALL THE TIME… I left home round the same time. I didn’t study a degree. I never wanted children. I didn’t dream of a white wedding with a handsome prince on a horse. I got piercings and tattoos and I rebelled against the system. I have friends who have been institutionalized for anxiety and general sadness. There were times I should have been too because I have fallen off the wagon more than once. I experimented with an array of mind altering substances and danced with glow sticks and put glitter in my hair. I learnt that family can be who you choose. I learnt that drug dealers are not all bad people.
SO….. some thoughts on some things that we should live by or aim for or whatever…. And this is my opinion. We are free to have our own. My choices.
I have never subscribed to any religion. I don’t believe in the bible, I don’t believe in The Tanakh nor The Quran or any other text of the same kind. I hate the way religion has caused unnecessary rifts in societies and wars over what is considered to be holy land – Ahem – Sharing is caring. I don’t subscribe to religion because I don’t believe it to be a necessary part of my own existence. I am thrilled that it has turned the lives of many around for the good though, so perhaps it is necessary in society for those who need it. I have been told I am going to hell. I have been told to give Jesus a chance, he will save me. I have been told that when the Rapture comes I will be sorry. To be perfectly honest, I don’t trust people who punt religion so heavily, there are some really obsessive people out there, across the board. With all this said, I live with a religious man who inspires me. And we have walked a pretty rough road to get a place where he no longer wishes I will be saved from this darkness (well, I am sure he still does) or where I wish he would pack that drivel in (and I am happy that he stands by his faith even if I don’t get it). He has changed my perception, I too have learnt to not judge people the way I have been. I have learnt to not box people the way us more alternative thinkers have been. Kelso has not been “christened”. He learns bible stories at school and I don’t correct him because I too, am not correct. Its my truth and one day he will find his. How do we raise him without the whip of religion? I instill a sense of respect in him. He needs to be kind and considerate. He needs to be gentle with animals and I remind him of how good it feels to do good things for people and how good it feels to be kind to animals. Manners are non negotiable and I do not smack. I don’t make him feel guilty if he does something that may be perceived as naughty and I praise him for being honest. A related blog Post: Eluding Illusions
I don’t see the relevance. I don’t see the rush. I don’t see how it shows commitment. Each to their own, but it is not the silver bullet. And should I ever want to get married, I want to know that the person I marry and I have weathered enough storms to know that the wheels don’t fall off when the road is a bit bumpy. George and I have been together for 7 years (or there about) and we have walked an incredible road. Dang it, not without its excitement thats for sure. But what would marriage change in all this? Make us more committed to each other? Would it make us better parents to Kelso? Would it make me love him more? When we first spoke of marriage, he said he would never marry a woman that his daughter didn’t like. So that would make it a no for us then. And it killed me back then. Like really, I was ready to leave; “what kind of relationship doesn’t lead to marriage?”, I thought. But why would I break up Kelso’s home for a girl that didn’t like me. So I stuck it out. And I asked why it would be important and as written above… There was no logical answer. Society says that if you have children you must get married. I get asked all the time still. And I give the standard answer… Why should we? This is not to say I am dead against the idea, Maybe one day my day will come, but I am really cool with it all if it doesn’t.
I was never a fan of children. I am a child magnet though. They are drawn to me like moths to a flame. I rented a cottage from a lady who ran a creche at home. There was a boy who would always speak to me and ask me why I never had a girlfriend, or why I never had a son. Random things and I loved the conversation. But I was always happy to high five goodbye and carry on with my afternoon. To this day, even as a mother myself, I don’t understand why people will go to great lengths and ludicrous expenses to have children. Being a parent is pretty awesome. And I wouldn’t change my life for anything. But I won’t have another. I am selfish and I am happy that I can have a hobby and do things for me now. I understand why people are happy with their decisions to not have children and just enjoy their life in the way they want to. They get to be crazy auntie’s and uncles who can spoil rotten or sugar rush the sprogs and then go home. There is a freedom to being childless. I can’t just hop on a bus and go on a road trip with nothing but a tin of beans and a tent. Oh dear no. I have a entourage of luggage that needs to be carted; timing and planning is imperative. I love my personal time and I won’t give it up. It is a rarity and I am sticking to my guns on this one. People think it is bizarre that I would happily let Kelso visit his gran just to have some alone time with George. What kind of a mother does that? THIS ONE! And Kelso is loved, he is happy and is happy to ditch his folks for his mate downstairs too. A related Blog Post: No More Babies Part 1
I work in a corporate environment. I don’t own a house or a fancy car and my salary.. well… lets not go there. My measure of success is happiness and contentment within myself. My ultimate goal is to get out of corporate and cut my career here. I don’t want to build a career. I want to spend more time doing the things I love and enjoy. Success to me is nothing material. It is the intangible awesomeness that is… HAPPINESS! A related Blog Posts: Measure Of Success and My Wish for Kelso but there are many who love the high flying feeling of that ladder climbing, and if driving a beemer and living in a mansion is your dream – THEN GO LIVE IT and Be awesome.
There will be those who read this and think… “Good luck sister, hell is hot”. And there will be those who think I have a pretty distorted view on life and there will be those who will want to comment and tell me what drivel I have written and want to slander it all. But at the end of the day, this is my life and how I am choosing to live it without harming anyone in the process.
But I want those who have been questioning themselves about decisions to stop immediately and know that some things you want maybe won’t come your way… Things you don’t want… may come your way – JUST KNOW… THERE IS ALWAYS A POSITIVE OUTCOME. I met a lady who got married at 52 for the first time.. I know someone who had a baby at 17 and she is now 22 and doing so well. She is a great mom and a wonderful person. Over time it all comes together. However it comes together.
Don’t let other people, society, religion and the likes dictate the story of your life. And if you want to marry, have children and attend religious services because that is what rocks your world, do that, because you totally can.. and if it will make you happy… then you must. Never ever let anyone make you feel rubbish about the choices YOU make for YOUR life.
You hold the pen, you have the paper, you are the author. Write an amazing story that will make YOU proud. Those that love and respect you will stand behind you all the way. True Story!
Go on – Be Awesome, Be You, in all your glory. LIVE IT… LOVE IT… ROCK IT!
Keep Shining! ♥